sweet growth

Well I don't have any beautiful photos to show you of my new office or any fun decorating ideas at the moment, but I do have some good news. 

Unfortunately, I also have some bad news.

Remember when I shared with you all about Cameron here and here? I have some more news to share now.

My sweet angel is 6 months old!

I can hardly stand how fast he is growing. He is thriving and such a joy to our family!

OK so I'll get to it. The good news is that Cameron's head has finally shown growth. His kissable little noggin has grown an entire inch since his 4 month check up. When the nurse told me the measurement at his appointment I felt like a weighted had been lifted off of me and I could finally breathe.

Then came the questions.

At most 'well child' check up's they take your child's weight, height, temp etc. They also go through a long list of questions about your child's developmental milestones and it's almost always 'yes, yes, yes, yes'. 

I was still glowing when this portion of the appointment rolled around and I began answering all of the questions and then suddenly I had to answer no to one question.

And again.

And again.

My pulse started racing and my chest was pounding and aching as if there was an elephant on top of me. I believe I ended up having to answer no to around 5 of the questions regarding his development. 

I was crushed.

My mind immediately began reeling and wondering and panicking.

I sat and waited for the doctor to come into the room and tried to be patient while holding on to Cam for dear life and watching Caden roll around on the filthy doctor's office floor....Yes he was and yes I was that out of it that I let it happen. Don't worry-I whipped out the hand sanitizer and cleaned him up soon after.

When my sweet doctor entered the room he had that knowing look on his face. He knows me well. He actually delivered both my brother and I so he isn't just a doctor to us. He is sort of like family.

He began telling me that everything could be fine-which is what he always says-but that we need to go see another neurologist to have Cameron checked out once again.

You see the reason that I instantly began panicking when I was realizing that Cameron was behind on his development is because all of this time that we have been going through this with Cam our doctor has told us: "Try not to worry. His head isn't growing just yet, but his development is good and that is what is most important."

We have an appointment late April to see another neurologist and get a second opinion and make sure our little man is OK.

So...all of the relief I felt when the nurse told me that his head had grown and inch just instantly vanished and was replaced with fear. That was one exhausting appointment my friends.

I AM SO TIRED OF THIS FEAR.

I have made a decision and I am hoping and praying that I can stand by it.

I will not let this fear eat me up inside any longer. 

I will not let the worry and stress make my physically ill. 

I will not allow the fear to cause me to tear up when I look at my sweet precious boy.

I will think only positive thoughts.

I will pray over Cameron every day and declare that he is healthy.

I will be strong for my family.